Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
