I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
