hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
