i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The power of my boobs compel you
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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