Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
