you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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