I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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