I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
