PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My balls are so social today.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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