We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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