i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
