Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
