Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
