no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
