I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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