you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
