So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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