dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
