at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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