mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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