I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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