not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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