I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Drunk is not a location!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
