i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
