went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize