She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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