No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
