The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
