At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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