its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she told me i tasted like america
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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