she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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