i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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