All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
