it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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