Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
