I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
