What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They took my balls.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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