We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
