And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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