I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
