Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
