Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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