Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Randomize
