i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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