We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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