why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm always down for nudity.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
