Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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