I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
