grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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