; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
