just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He better not be in your backpack
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
