I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
