I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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