i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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