I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize