For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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