I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
