Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
