My sheets look like a crime scene.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
