I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
