I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize