I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
