It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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