Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize