I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
