so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
