can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
