Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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