I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
