I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
