I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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