So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
