I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
