i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You pole danced in your parka.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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