i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
