My friends, they love my intelligence
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
