but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
