he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
