I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
