I met the friendliest cop last night
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
