Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
