My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
bring money and cleavage
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
