proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just want nice things and good sex
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
