i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize