DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
